Steppin' Back Inside.

It has been a long while since I've updated this thing. What has changed since?

1. PF cut ties. I am ashamed that I did not stick to the first attempt I tried at doing this. It was a lesson learned--the 10-hour panic attack and ER visit was not worth it. The one thing I am grateful for about this: I have an excellent template to go by--I'm tossing out anyone remotely like that out of my life. No one is worth those kinds of tears from me anymore, and the remnants of my pathetic behavior is being shed.

2. I was forced to move back to the city I was last at, in order to move back in with my folks--yet, again. This resulted from not being able to find a job in time. I miss the university life but I will be back at another one eventually.

3. I nixed the idea of getting a forensics degree. I'm currently taking a criminal justice course, and my professor has given me the low-down on how difficult it is to get into that field, due to all of those damn CSI shows. After much deliberation, I dropped my online pre-calculus course (That class isn't worth my tears, either. And yes, the math did actually make me cry at one point) and decided to go back to my original intent 12 years ago--fine/studio arts. My goal in life is to be happy, and there's no denying that I once had an awesome talent for studio arts, and that it put me in the 'flow' like no other hobby. I am still going to take criminal justice just so I could take the forensic course here in this town's community college. For the fuck of it.

4. I went out and stayed out for a while. I trickled back in, then back out...I did not feel ready to commit to anything at that moment. I did not even care. In a way, I still don't--but I'm starting to care a bit more now than I did a month ago. Today, I went to MHMR to get the ball rollin' for therapy and medication. I've had one or the other several times before, but never both. I have no desire to rely on either for the rest of my life, but I think for now--both therapy and medication would be very useful.

I had been without a sponsor this entire time, until just last week when I asked a dear AA friend of my from the last town to sponsor me. It won't quite be the same because communication would be just over the phone and through texting or Facebook, but it's all good. I have been sporadically going to meetings here, but my home group had me spoiled. The meetings here are naught in comparison.