The AA...or something akin to it.

Yesterday, after German, I was sitting in my political science class while my lively professor was going over the qualifications of being a Texas governor:

1. Be at least 30 years old.
2. Resident of Texas for at least 5 years.
3. No individual can be excluded from office for religious belief--provided he acknowledges 'the existence of a Supreme Being'. 

Ah, jeez, I muttered. I had taken government class before but we never got into the specifics of the Texas government and this was my first actual bits of info I've ever cared to get (still don't care) on Texas governmental-related things.

My professor waved his hands frantically in front of us students, But wait! he said, What if you are a Buddhist that believes in a different kind of being or nature, or what if you believe in...dare I say it...

I looked up from my notes at my professor expectantly.

...in...--he waved his arms even more dramatically--...Satan!

I leaned back in my chair and laughed with probably a bit more humor than the rest of the 200+ students in this classroom. 

Then I remembered I was supposed to go to an AA-type meeting on campus at noon. My shoulders slumped down. I didn't want to go but I had agreed--for the sake of my on-campus counselor--to check it out. 

Besides that, though, I obviously need something to change. I had been missing a few of my morning classes from waking up sick in the morning from the night before, and had missed a few of my afternoon classes for the sake of drinking instead. Showing up to my classes relatively drunk. Showing up to my study group actually trashed. Then driving home. 

I've known it's been an issue for a while but I kinda sorta ignored it--thinking I knew it was a problem but it wasn't as bad as it could be. But now I'm tired of how my life has been. I haven't gotten back into shape yet due to favoring drinking over working out, and plus I'm probably overloading my liver with alky, preventing it from metabolizing fat--which is another main function of that little triangular organ. 

So I went to the meeting. It was mostly 3 guys, and later 2 other girls that were new showed up. All of these people had been sober for months/years. I was the only one that got trashed last night. They all had this big blue book that proclaimed ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS for the title. One of the guys kindly gave me a mini-me version of the book that was the size of a pocket bible.

Sam, the one that sat diagonally-across from me, kept looking up in my direction as he spoke and/or read from The Big Book--as they all call it. I just occasionally looked down at my mini-me Big Book to follow along.

I have put off AA for years--the number one reason being that I despised its religious influence. This particular group did not fall heavily on that and was not even an official AA group, but instead were just loosely based on it. Sam--the cute one that reminded me of someone I once used to know--said he was not big on religious organization, instead--he thought of it being just a no-name 'higher being' or 'creator'. All of these people said we could not count on ourselves--that we had to grab a-hold of this 'higher being' for help...

All that I knew I'd have difficultly swallowing, but I figured I'd just ignore that part for now. Maybe most people can't handle the idea that they have the will to do things on their own without the 'help' of a 'higher being'. That's fine. Whatever works for them.

But I'm not one of those.

Nevertheless, they did have an interesting way of describing alcoholism and addictions, and breaking it all down. I figured I'd go ahead and stick to this to see what happens. Just my own willpower hasn't been enough--I think largely due to depression and lack of friends in my immediate area--and ones I do know just drink during their free time. 

At the end of the meeting, we all bid our goodbyes and exchanged phone numbers. Sam gave me The Eye and walked over to my side to shake my hand, saying he hoped to see me next Friday, and I--

(Ooh la la, be my sponsor, babe?)

--agreed that I would return next week. 

Later that night, I received a call from one of the ladies that were there--Kayla--and she did the 20-question thing with me--seeking to find out my background and to sponsor me. I'd never had a sponsor before, but I figured--it might be worthwhile, at least for the time being while it's hard and I'm full of inner resistance against the whole thing. Either way, I'm willing to give anything a try if it's gonna help me get back on track in my life.

I have to admit, I'm not looking forward to giving up The Drink, but I am tired of going to class with The Sickness and The Shakes, or just missing class altogether. My time spent could have been done to create things, to write my novel and my other book I started 10 years ago, to go out and remember what it's like not to be numb and instead let back in the vitality of being alive. 

I refuse to fuck up this shit anymore.